HOW DO YOU SEE THE WORLD

I was at Top Golf for a work event. One of the hosts was taking a few swings, but the ball wasn’t really going anywhere. Someone asked, “are you left-handed?” He replied, “No, I’m swinging left-handed to exercise my mind.”

A week before the event I finished Charles Duhigg’s book Smarter Faster Better: The Secrets of Being Productive in Life and Business.

The comment reminded me of Charles Duhigg referring to a practice in the book known as cognitive disfluency.

There must have been close to two-dozen people watching a ball fly no further than 30 feet. Most laughed off the comment and continued putting down free drinks.

Disfluency is known as a stutter. That is not the same as cognitive disfluency. It is the practice of consciously taking a mundane task, such as ordering food at your favorite restaurant, and contemplate other options on the menu. Ask the server questions about the food you may never think to have tried in the past.

It’s consciously making decisions and allowing those experiences to help you during other events in your life.

Cognitive disfluency is a way we exercise our minds. It’s a method for making better decisions.

MAKING DECISIONS

Our future is based on the decisions we make. We can’t change who our parents are or where we were born. We get to a point in our lives where we can begin owning our decisions.

Most of our adolescent lives are based on critical thinking. We begin the journey with a blank slate and we fill it by asking tons of questions. Then we learn it’s annoying to adults to ask so many questions so we begin being more independent. The adults then celebrate how independent we are and we’re rewarded for not questioning anything. Soon we begin making decisions either to spite others or in full agreeance with how we were raised. Most of the time we duplicate decisions we’ve experienced. Republican, democrat, church, racial acceptance, career.

As we get older we experience the world. But we don’t challenge what we experience. Remember, it’s annoying to others to ask questions. Our environment ends up raising us. The college we go to, the person we marry, the town we raise our kids in. What are the neighbors saying? Yes, it affects all of us.

Imagine, a different future begins with you. How did we forget this? Because we rely on our subconscious brain to make decisions. Our subconscious brain is created from our childhood, environment, and previous independent decisions. We spend more time justifying our decisions than investigating other options. When we’re questioned about those decisions we’re required to think critically. And that makes us angry, sad, disrespected, or any other word we can use to prevent others from making us think.

Critical thinking drains us. It causes confusion, triggers insecurities, and destroys our ego. Cognitive disfluency requires us to think critically. It’s a mental workout. It’s hitting a golf ball in unnatural ways. So how do we improve in making decisions?

Daniel Kahneman, the author of Thinking, Fast, and Slow describes how our brains make decisions. How our subconscious and conscious determine the outcome of events.

Kahneman gives the two types of thinking (subconscious and conscious) nicknames. He refers to the subconscious as system 1 and conscious as system 2.

Example 2+2 belongs to system 1 where most use system 2 to solve 35×81. Yes, even YOU 😉

Most of our arguments, whether we’re talking politics or the way someone looked at us in a bar, we’re using system 1 thinking. We are responding to emotion. Some have decided it’s the manliest way to respond. Just look at how people respond to others wearing Trump or Biden shirts. How the mask discussion continues to cause fights.

So how do we help the situation? We need to improve our mental health by increasing our mental endurance.

How quickly to you become emotionally agitated? Would you rather avoid conflict? How open-minded are you? Do you plan on being right all the time?

Being faced with alternate views is an opportunity to learn. The best opportunities are called failures. Every time you fail at something you have an opportunity to use system 2. Watching my kids perform math is seeing system 2 in action. It’s also seeing a bunch of uncontrolled emotion being released.

So what did I do when my youngest daughter was crying because she couldn’t figure out her math? We decided to play catch. While she was laying on the ground I stood above her and dropped a pair of socks towards her face. They were clean socks… maybe. Her job was to catch the socks. I gave her three chances and she missed all three.

Next, she stood above me and dropped socks from multiple heights. I caught the socks every time. Yep, the Cubs missed out on a great outfielder. Without a pause, she was back on the floor and I began dropping socks. Only this time she caught the socks every time. So I asked her if she could do her math now. She said yes, and returned to complete her work without a single tear.

Later, I asked how she returned to her math and didn’t cry. She explained she never caught a sock being dropped towards her face before. Maybe she can do her math even though she had never done it before. This my friend is called cognitive disfluency. She took the experience of catching the sock and attributed it to doing her math.

This is how our mind is made to work. Check out the history of the Microwave, popsicles, Viagra, Penicillin, Velcro, matches, Post-it Notes, and more. They were all accidental inventions. Yes, even Viagra.

The act of making routine tasks more difficult by using cognitive disfluency helps us to make decisions. We’re also training ourselves to be more creative.

THINKING IS EXHAUSTING

It’s not easy to use system 2. You’ll also learn using system 2 makes you tired, which reduces our ability to think critically. But just like anything else you will get better, and it’s worth it.

My wife, Lori, can be very aggressive when she talks. At times she won’t hesitate before she barks a command, accusing me of something, or questions my expertise. 😒. Yes, that’s me introducing my fragile ego. My response wasn’t perfect. Sarcasm is usually my weapon of choice. It didn’t help.

So why continue to use sarcasm. Well, I thought that’s who I was. Make a joke and if she gets mad that’s her fault. That’s what they do on TV right. That’s who she married. Oh and the best justification is… she started it. Don’t talk to me that way and she won’t hear sarcasm back. We are so talented in justifying our faults.

Will my mental muscle change overnight? No!! So how? It’s a forever goal. But it doesn’t begin until you make a very important goal.

BECOME A LEADER

“Leaders are not born they are made.”

Dave Stachowiak

Dave Stachowiak may not have been the first to say the line but he stands out because he begins his Coaching for Leaders podcast with the same phrase.

When you decide to become a leader… …and it is a decision. You are committing to grow others around you. Maybe you want to lead your family, the team you coach, coworkers.

A leader is not someone who tells others what to do. A leader helps others understand what will motivate them. Helps others learn. A leader provides a vision of how things can be.

Jim Collins, the author of many great books including Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies (Picture of Built to Last) describes a successful leader as a person who teaches clock-building instead of time telling.

Jim Collins says “having a great idea or being a charismatic visionary leader is time telling; building a company that can prosper far beyond the presence of any single leader and through multiple product life cycles is clock building.”

Doesn’t a clock builder describe a parent, coach, manager, customer service agent, a host, the person we all want to become? Sure, we all feel a little pride when our kids come to us for answers. Would it be better if our kids came to us for ideas so they can deliver solutions independently? Is it our jobs to hold ideas hostage? I recommend reading Built to Last. Start with Jim Collin’s summary of clock-building at his website.

THINK DIFFERENT

So you’re thinking, maybe you can be a leader, what will tomorrow look like? It depends on your mindset. When I decided to stop being sarcastic to my wife what would I replace it with? Was I going to be “that guy”. When Lori asked for the time I responded with “time to get a watch.” Or be a leader and show her I love her.

Do you have misguided principles running your life? Hey the more you analyze opportunities to challenge yourself the luckier you are. Everyone has improvement opportunities. Our mindset dictates our growth.

To be a visionary you need to do what Steve Jobs says…

“Think Different”

Steve Jobs

How do you begin to Think Different? We need to exercise our minds. Consciously use system 2. I’ve talked to many who just don’t think they can do it. They aren’t born with a visionary ability. They don’t have the patience. They are too shy. Their life is too crazy. They are depressed. They can’t breathe.

Great news, you know where you need to begin. The process you’re using now isn’t working. So how do you see the world? You decide what you see. Every choice you make determines your outcome. So let’s begin to Think Different. Start with these 3 steps.

1. BE BRAVE – Cognitive Disfluency
   Change your habits. Take extra long looking over the menu. Ask more questions. Volunteer to be helpful. If you decide to practice cognitive disfluency you will affect others. They may even say you seem a little different. That’s ok.
2. BE TRANSPARENT – Begin Forming a Vision
   As Jim Collins says, begin building a clock. When others recognize your change, tell them your building your mental muscle. You don’t need to tell them the whole story… unless that’s what you want. Tell them your curious. Make them curious, by telling them you’re looking for something, but you’re not sure. Most people love finite answers and they can help you discover your path. Unless you have a specific answer feel free to leave it open-ended. It will make others interested in your change.
3. BE PATIENT – The Path is More Important than the End
   Sure, we all want results. But there is no treasure map. There is no X that marks the spot. No final destination. You and I are on an adventure. This hike has no end. It will have milestones but no end. So we need to be patient. And the more change you adopt the less you want to find that “X”.

Exercising mental health should be our number 1 goal. Cognitive disfluency, leadership, and being brave are great ways to help you see the world differently. By no means am I saying this is a replacement for professional help. Your mental and physical health should be your primary concern. Please take it seriously.

Let me know how you are challenging yourself. How cognitive disfluency is helping you. How you are pushing to #BeBetter.

Reading is a great way to challenge yourself. I don’t have a lot of time to read, so I listen to books. If you don’t have the time Blinkist will help. Blinkist library includes some of the most well known books including every book I described in this post. But you can listen to the book and get the main points in under 20 minutes. Sign-up for a trial set an alert, and cancel if you don’t like it.